Manhattan – Just Visiting

Biking Through NYC On The Five Boro Bike Tour

This afternoon I completed the Five Boro Bike Tour in NYC. This evening my Jell-o-like limbs are confined to the couch.

The Five Boro Bike Tour is an annual cycling tour of NYC, and it’s the largest recreational cycling event in the US. This year there were 32,000 riders, as they closed off a bike-only route through Manhattan, The Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn, and finally Staten Island, while crossing over five bridges.

I woke up this morning at 545AM and seriously considered staying in bed. After a hot shower to wake me up I layered on my giant diaper (aka biking shorts) and workout clothes. I was still full from last night’s Chipotle burrito, but I forced myself to fuel up with a peanut buttered bagel, a banana, string cheese, and a Sambazon Mocha Java drink. I was ready to do this.

I met the rest of the group I was riding with down at my office before we biked over to Sixth Avenue to join the first group of riders slightly ahead of the starting point. NOTE TO ANYONE THINKING OF DOING THIS RIDE: drop in slightly ahead of the starting point so you don’t have to deal with getting delayed from the massive hoards of people backed up for blocks.

We made our way up a car-free Sixth Avenue easily. Along the way there were live bands on the sidewalks, and small groups of people either cheering us on or pissed that they couldn’t cross the street. The air was brisk and the sun nonexistent behind thick grey clouds. I didn’t mind the goosebumps on my arms as I passed the first two ad agencies I worked at, the NHL store where I used to work in college, and Radio City where I walked at my graduation. It was kind of like a greatest hits tour for me. Plus it was nice riding on the city streets without the constant horn-honking traffic.

We entered Central Park at 59th Street and got our first taste of uphill riding. It didn’t take very long before we were on 110th moving into Harlem. It was still smooth, effortless sailing and we trekked across our first bridge, the Madison Avenue Bridge. From there the ride only went about two miles in the Bronx before we were crossing back over into Manhattan and onto the FDR, a road I’d so often feared for my life in the back of many, many cars, yet I was now biking in the center lane with no worries at all. The dark tunnel under Gracie Mansion echoed with loud cheers as we entered, and when we finally emerged back into the daylight the daunting Queensboro Bridge (sorry, I refuse to call it the 59th Street Bridge) began to peek out.

I was a little intimidated on the ramp, but I switched gears, stopped talking, and started pedaling. Before I knew it I was past the ramp and only a little sweaty. A few people got off and walked their bikes, but the rest of us pushed on and right over. Just like that, we were in our third borough, Queens.

TDFBBT — Clowning around at the first rest stop in Astoria Park

The first rest stop was at around mile 19 in Astoria Park and was basically mandatory, so we dismounted and grabbed a quick snack. By now the wind was really whipping, and I longed for a long-sleeved shirt. We all agreed we were warmer while cycling so we jumped back on and kept going. I had been 100% unfazed by the ride until the moment I got back on my bike and realized my thighs were definitely getting weaker.

After Queens we found ourselves riding through Greenpoint, Brooklyn and eventually Williamsburg along Kent Avenue. This is where the wind really began to pick up, so much that it was bringing my bike to a complete halt as I continued pedaling. This is also where I fell in love with DUMBO and for the first time ever imagined myself living in Brooklyn. I know, I even shocked myself.

Somewhere along the way right before we stopped so I could take a quick pee (which as it turns out I didn’t really have to take, my girly bits were just being fooled by the bike seat) Suzannah thought she’d channel her inner biker and throw some hand signals so those behind her knew to stop—and she wiped out. I felt bad that we didn’t even noticed and continued pedaling on without her, but she gracefully rejoined us with hardly a scratch.

Screen shot 2014-05-04 at 7.44.08 PM — ESB from the BQE

We were about halfway through Brooklyn when I took on the daunting task of simple math, calculating how many more miles until the finish line. The wind was really difficult to pedal against, I was freezing cold, and my lungs hurt from breathing in the cold air. But we kept going, and going, and going, right onto the BQE Expressway. A man at the entrance ramp cheered us on, shouting only “nine more miles to go!” That would’ve been great had most of those nine miles not felt like an onramp.

After I was thoroughly exhausted, tinkering along slowly against the wind, three of us girls who had managed to stick together came to a common realization at the same time. We were all in agreement that we’d be walking over the Verrazano Bridge together.

Screen shot 2014-05-04 at 7.43.46 PM — Riding on the BQE

Before we got to the Verrazano Bridge there was a tempting drop out point in which a good amount of people were actually taking to be driven over. But we continued onward.

The Verrazano is the massive bridge connecting Brooklyn and Staten Island. Its central span is 4,260 feet long, which is 60 feet longer than the Golden Gate Bridge, giving it the longest bridge span in the Americas. It also has no bike paths, so the only time you can ride across it on a bike is during the Five Boro Bike Tour each year.

I chugged some water, took some deep breaths, gave myself a little pep talk in my head, and started pushing harder. Now that I was there, I didn’t want to stop and walk. I wanted to power through. As I pedaled my way slowly up the on ramp I looked to see just how far until the middle point where we would begin to descend. It didn’t seem THAT far. I kept going.

One by one people started to jump off their bikes and walk. I kept going. The wind picked up and the impossible climb got even more difficult. By now I’d lost everyone in my group once I watched the last girl dismount her bike.

There were all kinds of motivational quotes on the ground in bright paint, people on loudspeakers giving words of encouragement along the sidelines, and I could hear music up ahead. The higher I got, the more the wind picked up and the more I swerved. I could feel my bike moving perpendicular to the direction I was riding with each gust of wind, skidding me a few inches to the left each time it blew. The incline seemed endless and felt even worse than it looked. I got close enough to hear the song playing at the finish line, Empire State of Mind, and my mind started to reminisce about how far I’ve come living in New York for the past (almost) eight years. (Yes I’m a nerd.)

It only took a few verses and I passed the rather lackluster finish line.

Finally, I’d made it! I was done! Time to throw my bike and my body onto the grass and relax!

Not really.

I don’t really understand how they determined where to place the finish line, but it was deceiving. I figured it was all downhill from there, but the wind was so strong we were still pedaling at a snail’s pace for another 5-10 minutes or so before reaching the bottom of the bridge.

We made it to the park at the end where they were holding a festival full of free cheese and chocolate milk, fun music, and pricey food. We only sat down for like two minutes before realizing it was freezing ass cold, and we’d be much happier to just get on the ferry and back to the city ahead of the crowds (since we were still at the front-ish of the pack).

Well after the finish line and the festival we had to get back on our bikes and ride about another 3 miles to the ferry, complete with a few more hills. By now all of our butts, thighs, wrists, hands, and backs were telling us to take a break.

Luckily they moved us swiftly right onto a ferry and immediately to Manhattan where we arrived near my old apartment on Wall Street. I led the group back to our office to drop off our bikes on my old bicycle route underneath the FDR, when suddenly I felt my back wheel completely drop out. It only took 40+ miles, but I got a flat tire and was riding on the rim. Ironically we were about 25 steps from a bike rental shop, so they let me use their pump after our group’s handheld one failed. Thankfully my tire held the air so I could finish the ride.

SHOULD YOU DO IT?

Yes! It’s so awesome to see the city from a bike in so many areas where they’re usually prohibited! And no, you don’t have to be overly active or in awesome shape to complete it, but it couldn’t hurt. It really wasn’t as brutal as I thought it was going to be, and though I struggled a bit for the last 10 miles or so, I didn’t have to quit.

Just make sure to ride a good bike, wear padded biking shorts, and perhaps most importantly START EARLY. If you’re in the front of the group you’re much, much more likely to have a better time. We only experienced congestion once while merging in Central Park and once at the mandatory rest stop, but the rest of the ride we were comfortably distanced from other riders. I’d heard about other groups being so backed up they had to get off and walk for like an hour. Also remember, it’s not a race so you can stop however often you need to refuel and hydrate along the way.

The ride takes place on the first Sunday in May every year, and tickets go on sale in January so be sure to keep an eye on the site well in advance as they do tend to sell out. I paid $90 for my general registration pass, but I think it was definitely worth it. The ride itself took about four hours for us to complete, including two stops (totaling about 30 minutes), but after the festival and ferry, it took about 5 1/2 hours total.

Oh, and it’s a killer workout.

HOW TO NOT PISS OFF A NEW YORKER

It’s March. The temperature’s finally above freezing (even if only for a couple of days), which means it’s almost tourist season in New York. So if you’re planning a trip while hoping to avoid “the angry New Yorker,” you might want to brush up on the laws of the land and catch up to the speed of the city.

Disclaimer: I’m not one of those self-righteous assholes who think the whole world revolves around New York, but I do understand the feeling of traveling somewhere and wanting to understand and respect the local culture, wherever that may be. And somewhere along the line, New York City became one of those places where many people want to fit right in.

LEARN HOW TO WALK
Our sidewalks are like our highways. And most New Yorkers walk in the fast lane. It’s preferable you keep up, but if you have to walk slowly, don’t do it arms linked with your friends so that no one can pass. Just move to the right and give us room to pass.

PREVENT SWIPE ANXIETY
To get around the city you’ll need to purchase a MetroCard unless you’re loaded with cab fare. For your own sake, it’s best you learn how to use it BEFORE you walk up to the turnstile, train waiting, during rush hour.

So have your card out and ready before you enter the turnstile. Know how to hold it properly (black strip facing inward, arrows pointing forward) and swipe in one decisive motion forward just like a credit card. There’s a little screen that’ll let you know whether it’s “OK” to pass through, or if you need to swipe again.

LEARN HOW TO USE THE TRAIN
Use the subway whenever possible and you’ll save a fortune on cabs. But for your own good, do a bit of research beforehand and learn how the trains work so that you know how to tell if it’s an express (white circles on the map) or local train (black circles), and learn that Uptown trains [essentially] run to any stops North from where you’re at in Manhattan, and Downtown trains run South. Each train line runs in two directions, so if you see a station name such as “Pelham Bay Park” or “Coney Island,” you’ll know that’s the direction the train is heading. Just look at a map and see what end of the line that station is, and you’ll be sure that’s the way the train is headed. If you want to go in the opposite direction, just look for signs to that platform, which can sometimes be across the street.

Hopstop is a good app for that, but so is Google Maps. Just plug in where you want to go and choose the public transportation icon for easy step-by-step directions. But do that above ground, because you won’t get reception in most stations underground. Or you can just ask a New Yorker, because more often than not they’ll happily give you directions. It’s up to you to judge whether or not those directions are accurate.

LEARN PROPER SUBWAY ETIQUETTE
Once you’re actually on the train, using common sense should get you by. But just in case you’re still worried, let’s discuss some of these.

– Wait for people to get off the train before you get on.

– Once you get on, move out of the doorway.

– If you get a seat, only take up the room necessary for one person. Pile your bags on your lap if you have to, don’t set them on the seat next to you.

– Don’t try and squeeze your XL ass into an XS space.

– Even if you’re good at balancing, hold onto something so you don’t go flying when the train suddenly jerks or stops.

– Clipping your nails can wait until you get back to the hotel room.

– Don’t lean on a subway pole, especially clenching it with your butt cheeks on a crowded subway. There’s only so much space people can grab onto, so please be considerate.

– Similarly, if you’re a guy and a girl (or anyone) has her hands far down on a pole, don’t lean your junk on her hand and think it’s okay.

– Sometimes you have to pack in and get super friendly with people. These also tend to be the times the train stalls between stations and the lights flicker. It’s normal. Just avoid eye contact and silently curse in your head like the rest of us.

SAVE THE SMALL TALK
Reaching a food/drink counter to place an order is not the time for friendly chitchat. Know what you want, and be ready to pay for it—often times just like that Visa check card commercial where it’s like an assembly line and that one asshole pulls out cash to pay and screws everything up. This still throws me off when I leave New York and I start talking to the counter staff. I just feel guilty even when no one is waiting.

GET USED TO SMALL SPACES
New York apartments are small. And if you’re staying with a friend who lives in a studio apartment, do not belittle it by constantly pointing out how small, old, etc. it is. We work hard and pay a lot to live in our apartments, and we’re kind enough to let you stay there rather than shelling out $200 a night for a hotel room, so shut up and enjoy it.

My studio apartment — It’s a living room, dining room, bedroom, and home office in one!

My apartment — At least the dinner table is never far from bed.

GET OUT OF THE WAY
Be mindful of where you stop and gawk. Taking photos is great, double checking your GPS, go for it. But just like you wouldn’t stop your car in the middle of the freeway to snap a picture of an exit sign, don’t do it in the middle of our sidewalks. Take a look at your surroundings then step off to the side so you’re out of the way.

GET THE HELL OUT OF MIDTOWN
Don’t associate New Yorkers with the overcrowded chaos of Times Square and then bitch about how rude New Yorkers are. Times Square is nothing but tourists, so naturally, when you’ve got a bunch of different cultures and languages all moving around in one spot, shit’s about to be annoying.

Actually on second thought, maybe it’s a good idea to corral all the tourists in Midtown…

BRING MONEY
Or at least a credit card that’s not maxed out. NYC is fucking expensive so be prepared to spend more on basically everything while you’re here. And don’t bitch about it to us or the cashier every time you pull out your wallet, because we already know. We deal with those prices every day while usually never making nearly enough money and paying three times your mortgage to rent out a closet. You’re on vacation, spend a little. And if you’re super cheap like me, supplement it with lots of free activities like walking across the Brooklyn Bridge, Central Park, or going to the Crocodile Lounge and getting a free pizza with every drink you purchase.

MIND CYCLISTS, AND STAY OUT OF THE BIKE LANE
New York is a city with increasing bike traffic. And honestly, I never really paid much attention to cyclists until I became one myself. It’s unbelievable how many people completely ignore their right of way and then complain at how rude they are when they yell out “bike lane” to avoid a collision. So call them hipsters, delivery guys, douchebags, messengers, or whatever you want, but do them all a favor and stick to the sidewalks. Don’t walk or stop in the bike path, because despite what you may think, it’s not just another piece of pavement for you to roam freely. When you have to cross a green path, just give a quick look to make sure no cyclists are coming. And yes, you’ll definitely see parked cars, joggers, construction barrels, and oblivious texting pedestrians using the bike lane like their own private driveway, but don’t join them as one of those jerks.

DON’T BE A DICK ON A SHITI BIKE
Speaking of bikes, if you’re going to rent a Citi Bike at least spend few minutes researching the bike rules and be prepared to be shit talked by those hardcore spandex-clad Lance Armstrong looking mother fuckers. Citi Bikes are part of a bike share program, intended for people to get from point A to point B within about 30-45 minutes. So no matter how many trips you take on your day pass, it’s not for you to rent out, go the wrong direction and completely fuck up the flow of NYC commuting. Just obey normal traffic laws, don’t ride even two wide on a narrow path, and well, if I were you I’d wear a helmet if you’re going to brave the streets. But I’m sure any New Yorker couldn’t care less if you go sans helmet.

IF YOU’RE LAZY, STAND TO THE RIGHT
I feel like you’ve probably learned this one at your local mall by now. Some subway stations and buildings have escalators because otherwise you’d be hoofing it up approximately 4 million stairs. But unfortunately these things don’t move quick enough for the oh-so-busy New Yorker who knows that their strategic race up the stairs will get them to their next train right before the doors close. So if you’re just along for the ride, stand to the right. If the escalator isn’t wide enough for someone to pass you, make sure the people behind you aren’t walking up. If they are, then sorry you are now too, or you’re an asshole.

DON’T BRING A TON OF SHIT
New York is a city of public transportation and walking, not one for lugging around your entire shoe collection for a weekend trip. And remember you’ll likely have to lug that thing up a few flights of stairs at some point or another. If you’re a chick or just a bit older or frail looking, a friendly man will more than likely offer to help lug your size ridiculous bag up or down the subway stairs. But wouldn’t we all just be much better off if you packed your shit in a small enough bag that can move freely along with you without clogging up the stairwell?

I think after visiting you’ll quickly realize that not all of us are self-deserving assholes who think the whole world revolves around us. Our lack of outgoing friendliness just comes down to the sheer amount of people we deal with every day. Personally I move through the city in my own little bubble, headphones on, completely lost in my own thought. I don’t even notice most of the faces I encounter every single day, and if I were to say hello or flash a quick smile to each of them I’d never get anywhere. But I do notice those who get in my way and mess up my flow.

It goes without saying that some people are just irrationally angry or giant assholes—the same can be said about any place. But in a city with such an enormous population, small spaces, and a live-to-work mentality, you’re bound to encounter some tightly wound people from time to time so just deal with it and move on. After all, most of us were tourists at some point or another anyway.

But perhaps the best way to fit in is to do whatever the hell you want and not be at all sorry about it. Your indecisiveness is holding up that super important suited up d-bag from making it to his meeting on time? Maybe he should’ve left earlier. Your Citi bike joy ride going the wrong way down Allen Street briefly jolted those riding the right way? Well maybe you should respond to them the way my old roommate did, yelling out a loud “FUCK YOU!” and continuing on your way.

If you can’t beat them, join them, right?